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or email me at: garrymeiershow@garrymeier.com.

Here is an updated list of the season we are in:
Lightning bugs pretty much for the season
Shrinking daylight
Baseball teams that have been out of the running for several months trying to sell tickets for September
Lame NFL pre-season games
Thanksgiving cards at the dollar store
Halloween candy sales
Investors waiting for Tesla profits
People waiting for their Tesla model 3.
Meth addicts passed out in fast food drive-thru lanes
Nail salon brawls
Stealing and intentionally crashing airplanes
Potato salad gone bad at a picnic
If you don’t have to go out, don’t
Change your doo-rag every 10 minutes
Bike riders after sunset in dark clothes with no lights
The FDA warning about vaginal rejuvination
Protests, protests, protests
Lightning bugs
Corn on the cob stuck in your teeth
Kids packing for college for the first time and are nervous
Civil War re-enactments
Cars hauling lumber too far out the window
Bachelor in Paradise returns for those who think The Bachellorette doesn’t suck enough face
Dry ice killing people
Motorcyclists riding between cars
Fall TV schedule blitz
Swimming pool and patio furniture sales
Dead skunks on the road
Halloween rollout
Bugs flying up your nose
West Nile Virus
Driver or passenger with bare foot sticking out car window
Fall clothing in stores
Football practice
People saying Summer is half over
People who hog big plots of space at Summer festivals
Bad, long small town parades
Hallmark Channel running Christmas movies
Fireworks factory exploding
Another Sears store closing somewhere
Another dollar store opening somewhere
Not far from the next Superhero/Dwayne Johnson or Star Wars movie opening
Elon Musk coming up with another idea
Virgin Mary statue weeping somewhere
Men caught having sex with farm animals
Duct Tape bikinis
Kids eating Tide pods
Kids stuck in washing machines
Wild animals with jars stuck to their heads
Amish teens getting popped for BUI’s (Buggying under the influence)
Lava tour boats getting hit with lava
Renaissance Faires, “Would ye like some lemonade?”
CEO’s using the “N-word” during conference calls
Clowns lurking on the side of the road and elsewhere
People with gree gree on their face from eating turkey legs at outdoor festivals
Zipline mishaps
Build-A-Bear “Pay Your Age” promotion gets out of control
White people calling police on black people for no reason
“Made for motion picture use only” $100 bills being passed off as real money
Kids getting stuck in caves
Kids swimming out of caves after two weeks
Freakouts at Waffle Houses
Freshly cut Christmas trees on flatbed trucks going down the highway
Sun so hot it melts your popsicle
Kids falling into zoo animal enclosures
Zoo animals killed because a knucklehead fell into their enclosure
Lawn mower mishaps
Stores running out of bagged ice by 11a on hot days
Kids riding go-karts and ATV’s on the street
Fireworks starting a brush fire
Fireworks starting a house fire
Pouring too much lighter fluid on charcoal grill and burning one’s eyebrows off
Question of the month “wait, why did those kids in Thailand go into the cave in the first place?”
Ticks
Fire hydrants opened illegally in neighborhoods
Trucks losing their load on highways
Mosquitoes
Cigarette butts on beaches
The Bachelorette tongue exchange marathon
Hiking mishaps
Celebrities that have lost all their money
Time to get ready for fall/winter advertisements
Furry conventions
Bears jumping in backyard pools or hot tubs
Little kids left at home while parents go on vacation.
Tree limbs falling on people
Kids crawling into claw machines
People threatening to jump off overpasses
Overuse of the world “Literally”
Overuse of the phrase “My bad”
Roller coaster mishaps
Christmas catalogs start arriving
Lava tornados
Tornados
Hurricanes
Bad watermelons
Medical waste washing up on beaches
Feet washing up on beaches
Airplane wings washing up on beaches
Porch collapses
Boat dock collapses
Kids locked in parked cars
Dogs locked in parked cars
Mall food court brawls
Water park brawls
Loose diapers at water parks
Water slide mishaps
Carnival mishaps
Fireworks mishaps
24 hour outdoor art festivals with no metal detectors
Outdoor music festivals…woman stuck head in tailpipe
Bouncy castles blowing away
Eating contests
People lost in corn mazes
Shark attacks
Brides giving birth at their wedding reception
People getting naked in public on meth
Yearbooks arriving with inappropriate photos or content
Jellyfish stings
Hot air balloon accidents
Irish traveler (gypsies) scams…resurface your driveway with chocolate syrup
People next to car on side of road scam
Nuclear attack
Flooding
Fires
Volcanos
Meghan Markle dress flubs
Meghan Markle father updates
Meghan Markle leg crossing faux pas
People with Christmas decorations still up
Racial insensitivies at Starbucks or pancake houses
Wild crypto currency fluctuations
People exploring tunnels and caves and getting lost
People taking selfies and falling to their death
Armored truck doors flying open cash spews out
Goofy calls to 911
Guys with shoe cameras looking up skirts
Port O Potties tipping over
Port O Potties blowing away
Large penises cut into lawns and into dry lake beds
Road construction everywhere
Back to school commercials
People having sex in public
3-day food festivals that run out of food on the first day
Shouting and/or shooting exchanges at fast food drive thru windows
Electric hedge-clipper accidents
Slushy headfreeze

Gunga Galunga,

Garry