The latest social media sh.t storm going on concerns the killing of a gorilla at the Cincinnati Zoo to “protect” a 3 year old who somehow fell into the ape enclosure. This is a scenario I’ve been talking about for years on the airwaves. My take on this case and all previous incidents is “what did the animal do wrong?”   If you’ve ever seen the back of my car you would see several bumper stickers involving this theme:

WILD ANIMALS ARE WILD

SHARKS LIVE IN THE OCEAN

KILLER WHALES KILL

APES GO APE

But that last bumper sticker doesn’t apply here. The video I saw shows the kid getting dragged about 10 feet in the water and then the gorilla gave the little rascal a wedgie. I didn’t notice any other aggression before the zookeeper went all Lee Harvey Oswald on the furry creature. Isn’t there an intermediate step before you kill the animal? The zoo said it used lethal force instead of tranquilizers because it could have taken some time for the drug to take effect.  WHAT?! Then they don’t have an in-between step in these cases. Why do they have a tranquilizer gun? They should take it back and get a refund. The zoo has been open since 1875.   You’re telling me in a 141 years not once did the topic come up, hey what if a stunad falls into an animal enclosure how long would it take for a tranquilizer to work to sedate the animal? Your whole deal is to protect animals you have brought into captivity, wouldn’t you examine all possible game conditions on what to do if x, y, or z should happen?

The other 800-pound gorilla in the room, the one that’s still alive, is the fact that over the decades more and more people are idiots. I’m not talking book learning, I’m talking common sense. If parenting is not your bag, that’s perfectly fine. Not everyone should have kids. It’s harder to get a fishing license than it is to have kids. Once you have them it’s harder than fishing. I suck at motorcycle riding so I stay off of them.

If you’re not aware that you need to hold a toddler’s hand when out in public, especially at a zoo, you might need to brush up on your parenting skills or lack of. Maybe as a punishment the zoo should forfeit its remaining gorillas since it apparently has no back up plan to protect said gorillas when they do absolutely nothing wrong.

New bumper stickers:

I WENT TO THE CINCINNATI ZOO AND WATCHED A GORILLA GET ASSASSINATED.

GORILLAS DON’T DRIVE DRUNK BUT PEOPLE DO.

I’M A GORILLA AT A ZOO PLEASE TELL ME WHAT THE F.CKING DEAL IS BEFORE YOU SHOOT ME.

I’M A GORILLA; IF I’M IN YOUR BACKYARD THEN YOU CAN SHOOT ME UNTIL THEN LEAVE ME THE F.CK ALONE!

I’M A GORILLA AND I’M IN A CAGE WHILE STUPIDOS WALK FREELY?

WHEN’S THE LAST TIME A GORILLA LET ITS BABY LOOSE INTO SOMEONE’S HOME?

Hope your Memorial Day was good.   To all who have given so much through military service including my late father, Army Sergeant Frank Meier, one day a year is not enough to acknowledge your many sacrifices.

Peace,
Garry