Do you know who Elizabeth Holmes is? Holmes is the founder and former CEO of the now defunct company Theranos. Theranos was headquartered in that unicorn breeding ground known as Silicon Valley. During her run at Theranos E.H. “invented” a black box the size of a puffy shoebox that she claimed could do expansive blood testing from a capsule of one’s blood through a fingerprick. She raised hundreds of millions of dollars from seemingly smart people, Walgreens came onboard with some testing centers, the valuation of Theranos at one point was $9 billion and then it all came crashing down because, guess what, it turned out a bloated shoebox device called Edison couldn’t deliver the results that it promised. After all is said and done E.H. could face 20 years in prison. I recently watched a HBO documentary on her and I gotta tell you physically she looks like a space alien smooshed into a robot. Her pupils look like they are floating in a milky white liquid in her eye sockets and she’s been wearing turtlenecks since she was a kid because Steve Jobs was her idol. In her closet she has about 20 outfits that are all the same, black and turtlenecky. And OMG her voice…that voice. It reminds me of when gangsters are interviewed and they blur out their face and put their voice through some kind of phaser. Holmes has gone all Jussie Smollett and denied any wrongdoing. When I was a kid I had a black box where you would put a coin in a slot outside the box, push a button and a little hand would come out and take the coin. Now to me that was just a novelty bank, but a visionary like E. Holmes would look at that and see a revolution in medical technology. Also when I was a kid there was something called X-ray specs. When you put these glasses on you could see through people’s clothing or even their skin right to their skeletal frame. Of course you couldn’t but in the hands of an Elizabeth Holmes she would have us getting MRI’s right in the comfort of our local pharmacy. Hang in there Lizzy, they said the Wright Bros. were crazy too when they tested their glider.

Gunga galunga,
Garry