Dear Santa, I would like to see the following under my tree on Jesus’ birthday.

A bag of McRib sandwiches
An Elon Musk flamethrower
A bottle of Elon Musk’s tequila Teslaquila
Scratch off tickets mostly from North and South Carolina and Australia because they seem to be the places that have the most winners
Entenmann’s raspberry coffee cake, I was so hoping that scientists would find the coffee cake to be the covid cure
Gwyneth Paltrow’s vagina candle (if you still have them in stock, i know they were hard to get)
A gift card for a covid vaccine
What I don’t want Santa is peppermint bark or anything that involves an allen wrench
And of course I want peace on Earth and goodwill toward men and women
And if possible when you are going around on Christmas Eve and see inflatable decorations could you please just knock them over because they are the worst invention since the doggie door
The fact that there is even an inflatable Nativity Scene may explain why we are currently in a pandemic, the Man upstairs is not happy
And of course Santa have a Dick Clark rockin’ Merry Christmas featuring Ryan Seacrest

Your pal,
Gunga, galunga,
Garry